Not Printed At Taxpayers' Expense
Sos I gots this letter todays. The return address says President George W. Bush. Now, I read this and I'm thinking, 'Wow, the President of the United States wrote to me! Little old me! This must be about my top secret flying cyber-ninja infantry proposal I made to the Defense Department. My day has come! I will be the coolest flying cyber-ninja EVER! Woo-hoo!"
So I opened the letter.
it read as follows (italics are my mental comments).
Dear Mr. Cobb, ooohh... Mr. Cobb. I'm so a cyber-ninja!
The election is now less than three months away. Your early support has been vital to laying the foundation for victory in November. My cyber-ninjas a huge support? Cool! I mean, he must be talking about the ninjas, I haven't done anything else to 'support' any political party except for registering to vote.
I hope you'll give my campaign some important additional help today by doing two things for me. Well, I don't know about your campaign, but I drew some mockups of the cyber-ninjas for you. Is that one of the two things?
First, will you put this "W'04" bumper sticker on your car or that of a neighbor or family member who's backing me? Our goal is to have 1 million bumper stickers go on cars this month. I think a better goal would be to train 1 million cyber-ninjas by the end of the month. Besides, the bumper sticker is ugly. ... and I don't like you...
Second, would you send $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, $35, or even $25 today to help offset the hundreds of millions of dollars liberal special interests are spending to try to defeat me? I'm getting the idea this letter isn't about the ninjas...
I am relying on friends like you to help overcome this massive outpouring of liberal special interest cash, so I can take my agenda for a brighter future for America directly to the voters. I wish I had a squad of flying cyber-ninjas... And what's with all this assuming I'm a conservative? I registered to vote as unaffiliated! Diz-am! And where was your brighter America these past four years you've been in the oval office? Ninjas....
Will you commit yourself to working with me for our compassionate conservative agenda by sending a special contribution of $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, $35, or even $25 today? Sorry, I spent all my money on the prototype flying cyber-ninja suit. Besides, I'm a high school senior with no job. Where the heck am I gonna get '$1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, $35, or even $25 today'? 'our compassionate conservative agenda'? I must be living in a different country...
Your strong support and friendship means a lot. And sending your check and displaying your sticker today is important to winning. Because it's all about winning, not about what's best for the American people. But ninjas on the other hand, totally in the interest of the public... oh yeah...
More than most Americans, you know how high the stakes are -- and what we're fighting for. Yes, fighting. That's what the freaking ninjas are meant for!
At the end of July, Democrats gathered in Boston to nominate my opponent. This was a launching pad for the other side's next round of attacks. I can overcome their assaults if I have your extra help today.'This was a launching pad for the other side's next round of attacks.' Oh, how militaristic. You know, if the 'other side' had my cyber-ninjas, they would so totally win!
My Administration is focused on:
-Winning the war on Terrorism and leading the world to greater security and peace; Don't even get me started. This country so needs ninjas
-Cutting taxes and restraining government so taxpayers keep more of what they earn to spend, invest or save as they please; You forgot to add 'at the expense of economic stability in the world's wealthiest nation'.
-Strengthening the economy to increase job growth so every American who wants a job can find one; and, How do you plan to do that again? Because you definitely didn't start that one this term.
-Encouraging high standards and accountability in our public schools so no child is left behind and schools are held responsible for teaching the basics.What ever happened to vouchers? ;-) (that's sarcasm folks)
The other side has offered little but bitterness and anger, reinforced in millions of dollars of ads funded by liberal special interests. look no further than ruthless ninjas for bitterness and anger! <---That's the flying cyber-ninja slogan!
We can overcome this massive barrage of TV ads in battleground states id I have your help again today.Again? Oh, you've gotta be talking about my proposal. It's cool...you rejected it anyway... jerk.
This is my final political campaign (thank God) and I'm counting on you. hehehe.... sucker
Thank you again for all your support. Good, it's over.
Sincerely,
[illegible computer printed impersonal signature]
George W. Bush
So I opened the letter.
it read as follows (italics are my mental comments).
Dear Mr. Cobb, ooohh... Mr. Cobb. I'm so a cyber-ninja!
The election is now less than three months away. Your early support has been vital to laying the foundation for victory in November. My cyber-ninjas a huge support? Cool! I mean, he must be talking about the ninjas, I haven't done anything else to 'support' any political party except for registering to vote.
I hope you'll give my campaign some important additional help today by doing two things for me. Well, I don't know about your campaign, but I drew some mockups of the cyber-ninjas for you. Is that one of the two things?
First, will you put this "W'04" bumper sticker on your car or that of a neighbor or family member who's backing me? Our goal is to have 1 million bumper stickers go on cars this month. I think a better goal would be to train 1 million cyber-ninjas by the end of the month. Besides, the bumper sticker is ugly. ... and I don't like you...
Second, would you send $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, $35, or even $25 today to help offset the hundreds of millions of dollars liberal special interests are spending to try to defeat me? I'm getting the idea this letter isn't about the ninjas...
I am relying on friends like you to help overcome this massive outpouring of liberal special interest cash, so I can take my agenda for a brighter future for America directly to the voters. I wish I had a squad of flying cyber-ninjas... And what's with all this assuming I'm a conservative? I registered to vote as unaffiliated! Diz-am! And where was your brighter America these past four years you've been in the oval office? Ninjas....
Will you commit yourself to working with me for our compassionate conservative agenda by sending a special contribution of $1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, $35, or even $25 today? Sorry, I spent all my money on the prototype flying cyber-ninja suit. Besides, I'm a high school senior with no job. Where the heck am I gonna get '$1,000, $500, $250, $100, $50, $35, or even $25 today'? 'our compassionate conservative agenda'? I must be living in a different country...
Your strong support and friendship means a lot. And sending your check and displaying your sticker today is important to winning. Because it's all about winning, not about what's best for the American people. But ninjas on the other hand, totally in the interest of the public... oh yeah...
More than most Americans, you know how high the stakes are -- and what we're fighting for. Yes, fighting. That's what the freaking ninjas are meant for!
At the end of July, Democrats gathered in Boston to nominate my opponent. This was a launching pad for the other side's next round of attacks. I can overcome their assaults if I have your extra help today.'This was a launching pad for the other side's next round of attacks.' Oh, how militaristic. You know, if the 'other side' had my cyber-ninjas, they would so totally win!
My Administration is focused on:
-Winning the war on Terrorism and leading the world to greater security and peace; Don't even get me started. This country so needs ninjas
-Cutting taxes and restraining government so taxpayers keep more of what they earn to spend, invest or save as they please; You forgot to add 'at the expense of economic stability in the world's wealthiest nation'.
-Strengthening the economy to increase job growth so every American who wants a job can find one; and, How do you plan to do that again? Because you definitely didn't start that one this term.
-Encouraging high standards and accountability in our public schools so no child is left behind and schools are held responsible for teaching the basics.What ever happened to vouchers? ;-) (that's sarcasm folks)
The other side has offered little but bitterness and anger, reinforced in millions of dollars of ads funded by liberal special interests. look no further than ruthless ninjas for bitterness and anger! <---That's the flying cyber-ninja slogan!
We can overcome this massive barrage of TV ads in battleground states id I have your help again today.Again? Oh, you've gotta be talking about my proposal. It's cool...you rejected it anyway... jerk.
This is my final political campaign (thank God) and I'm counting on you. hehehe.... sucker
Thank you again for all your support. Good, it's over.
Sincerely,
[illegible computer printed impersonal signature]
George W. Bush
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home